


Reckless Abandon

by watermealong



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: !!!read notes!!!, Alternate Universe - Rock Band, Angst, Bandmates AU, Fluff, Friends to Lovers, LMAO, M/M, Melodrama, Mutual Pining, Slow Burn, but they are dumb, mark is kind of a bad boy, mention of suicide but not on the main characters, minor stalking but it wasn't harmful
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-25
Updated: 2018-09-25
Packaged: 2019-07-16 13:12:27
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 18,155
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16086812
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/watermealong/pseuds/watermealong
Summary: Nothing made Wong Yukhei heart soared other than doing music. He wouldn't called it passion, something to burned his spirit up. Music is a dream to him, and without it, he would be a dead torch without flame. Maybe that's the reason why he started Roxxless, a rock, supposedly cool, but ended up being called emo band instead with his friends.Add Mark Lee, the literal backbone that supported their band every moves. When the curtain of the night falls, Mark lighten his life, too. No, he burns it.And Yukhei did nothing but helped him kissed it all away.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Rated M for smoking, drinking, cursing and making out. It's all here, fellas, so if you don't feel comfortable about any of those, please note that you can always choose not to read hehe also, i would like to informed you, that there are some traits in this fic that doesn't belong to irl characters and it's unbeta-ed, just so u know :) [I personally felt motivated by this video right here, this is how they basically performed](https://twitter.com/kyz_xxxv5/status/1014813999664254976?s=19) [and this too!](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8Vj-jItTP9M) (´∀`) okay, enjoy~

Roxxless is a band that Wong Yukhei created at 3 AM while his world crumbled down the drain. The company that managed HIGH, a hiphop group where he took parts as singer and rapper decided to disband the not so successful group, leaving him wondered if he was in the right path all along. That was one. Two was when he got fired from his job as a clerk in supermarket because he simply can’t keep his eyes awake at 2 in the fucking afternoon.

Yukhei still lived with his grandmother, 17 years old and just barely finished high school, his parents got divorced last month and he had this hideous haircut where the cheap hairdresser he paid with crumpled money chopped off his hair bald, which, unsurprisingly made him looked like a thirty year old dude that just got fired from his corporate company and desperately tried to joined the army so he can got his life together again.

Yukhei wondered if that would be a good option or not, maybe he should signed up tomorrow or something, he likes sport, afterall, and he loves his country, too, it probably would be nice to have someone to shout at you and order you around to get your shit together.

“I’m going to join the army,”

Sicheng stare at his friend, eating the no longer warm pork floss bun that Yukhei grandmother made for them earlier. They usually had a sleepover once every two weeks, either it’s in Sicheng’s parents big house, or in Yukhei grandmother simple but warm traditional house. Lately, they hadn’t been in one, though, because Yukhei spent a lot of time to practice with his group, and of course it only last for six months before it finally got disbanded.

“You might fit in.” Sicheng said simply, looking up at the 3 AM sky from outside of Yukhei terrace, munching his bun.

The both of them had been friends since middle school, being older than him by one year, Sicheng used to protect him from the people that likes to bullied Yukhei before he got all buffs from weight lifting. Sicheng called it an upgrade, Yukhei called it his super saiyan mode.

“You’ll let me go that easy?” Yukhei asked in a surprised, rather sad voice.

Sicheng nodded. “You’re right. You probably cry on the first day.”

Yukhei sighed. He did got a point.

“I wish i am a rock star,” he said instead, as cliche as it was possible, making a square shape hand gesture to captured one star, the brightest one in the night sky at that time. “Like Chester Bennington or Joel Madden,” he continued, saying those strange name that wasn’t even familiar with his tongue but he said it anyway.

“Who’s that?”

“Rock stars.” Yukhei answered, watching Sicheng eating his bun and stealing one from his plate. Munching unknowingly, some thoughts slipped on his mind, and he smiles letting Sicheng know. “Let’s become one, Sicheng.”

Sicheng snorted. “The only music i love is Jay Chou, i don’t even know if his music is considered to be rock or not.”

“It’s okay, we can learn. I can play guitar even if i still suck, but i’m sure Yang Yang is in if we ask him to be the lead guitarist. We can ask Xiao Jun to be the drummer too, since he said he is taking lesson now. And you can play the bass.”

“I don’t know how to play bass.”

Yukhei burst out in a big smile, the one where he usually made his crazy choices. “That’s the art, Sicheng! I’ll give you two weeks, if you can at least play one song by the end of this two weeks, that means all of the stars in the sky are agreeing on our dreams. You in?”

And of course Sicheng agreed. He loved a challenge. And once Sicheng started, he won’t ever stop until he gets what he wanted.

It’s like spells, when Yukhei magically had a back surgery by the end of the two weeks bet with his best friend.

Still high on the anesthesia in his blood, Sicheng was performing The Anthem by Good Charlotte on his bass, proudly showing his raw skill with his newly bought neon bass.

Yukhei held a thumb up, still can’t speak, but hoping that his friend got his support anyway, while thinking, rather loudly; _is he crazy_ when the sound of his bass was blaring across the hospital halls.

That’s just the beginning.

When Xiao Jun and Yang Yang agreed to joined, it was starting.

When Mark Lee stumbled down their rusty garage door, with an attitude that needed a fix, with his golden voice, and low grumbled on how he hated to be there, that; was when Roxxless went _alive_.

 

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

 

The thing about Yukhei was; his persistent nature went up a notch whenever he got something interesting in his mind. Like that one time he insisted on carrying his father on his back in middle school even if the man was twice as large as him, or when that time Sicheng went on a competition for Chinese traditional dance and got first place.

Yukhei had been there right in the first bleacher carrying a big ass banner and self made cheers (that was fun, by the way, even when he made one tiny girl cried after she dropped her ice cream on the floor because of his loud scream when Sicheng killed that _one_ move in his dance).

So when Yukhei was lost because he can't sing for their four members rock band, he found himself in a tiny bar where they held a mini band competition and found a tiny shy boy that had his head down for almost half of the performance with a voice that can reach the highest note, Yukhei had it carved in his heart that he should joined their currently, newly formed, half-assed band.

It's not that he can't sing, he had a pretty stable voice that goes along fine with instruments, but that's it. It's mediocre, and he can't even reach the high notes.

“Hey, you should join our band.” Yukhei had approached the boy with a big grin on his face.

The boy had his hair neatly trimmed, opposite from Yukhei’s still grown and half bald head. He had a stinky eyes scanning Yukhei from the top of his bald head down to his ugly pair of sneakers. “No thanks, i’m already in a band.”

Yukhei had smile, thinking that maybe he had the whole night to sweet-talk this boy into agreeing with him. But no, as soon as Yukhei begun to opened his mouth again, he left, especially after knowing he didn’t win the competition that night.

But Yukhei was never about giving up. He went to the bar manager, asking for the rude boy name and got one: Mark Lee, the vocalist of NeaR, an alternative grunge band under one of the most popular and big company in Hong Kong. And Yukhei had his mouth gaped, thinking _this_ fucking _it_.

The next day, Yukhei called one of his acquaintance from his day in HIGH that got him a link in Mark’s company to accompany him there, they met again that day, Yukhei big grins met with Mark confused one.

“Our band would be big because of how amazing you are, please join.” Yukhei tried sweet-talked again. Eyes probably sparkled.

“No.” The boy said quickly, and left.

Yukhei was, well, once again, rejected.

But he won’t give up, no, not after seeing an opening. Which consisted on his speculation that the boy wasn’t happy about his current band, that made sense because he wouldn’t just go around entering a small bar competition with low self esteem as he sang his heart out, if he was happy with the band he was in, would he?

They met again in a supermarket coincidently, or that was the initial excuse when Yukhei had been following his stead since he got out of his company door that Thursday. No, it wasn’t stalking, it’s just what Yukhei would called hard work and commitment.

“Oh hey, Mark, can’t believe we meet here.” Yukhei said, grinning for the fifth times in a week.

Mark had his stoic face on, reaching for the coffee in the machine and closed the door in Yukhei’s face. Walking away after he gave him side eyes.

Yukhei was about to give up that day, biting down on his lips and sighing heavily, thinking about trying his luck next time before Mark called him with his amazing voice.

“You won’t stop, won’t you?”

And Yukhei smile cracked a big one. _He finally initiate the conversation, fuck yeah!_

“Well, you see, our band-”

“Where?”

“Huh?”

“The band. Where?”

“In...my house?”

“Give me the address. Let me see you guys perform first.”

Yukhei almost jumped if he didn’t just stupidly bind his fingers to the machine door while trying to get juice and closed it, and then got it trapped when he talked to Mark. He cursed, then, earning a weird glances from an old man and a headshake of disappointment from a young mother who tried to covered her son ears.

Muttering a small _sorry_ to everyone while bowing his head, Yukhei quickly went to Mark’s side to gave him his grandmother’s address and also his phone contact so they can communicate in case things go wrong, like Mark trying to lie or fake his identity.

“You won’t followed me again, will you? I swear i will kick your ass if i see you trying to hide in front of the company big trash can again like i wouldn’t just notice your big ears and loud grunt whenever you complained about how stinky it was, it’s been the fucking fifth times, do you think my iq is single digit?”

This time, the mother went up to Mark, pinched his cheek and scolded him for blurting out a train of curses words in front of her son.

“I won’t,” Yukhei said, putting the juice back in the machine, giving Mark one last glance before he went out the door.

The first impression of Sicheng, Xiao Jun, and Yang Yang about Mark was horrid. And what it meant was that Yukhei was sure his friends weren’t the type that would easily got close with how Mark acted around.

Mark was moody. When he entered the garage where they had their daily practice, not a single words came out good from his mouth, he was very honest, to say the least, or just plain rude.

Sicheng thinks Mark needed a fix on his attitude and blamed Yukhei for bringing an emo child along, Xiao Jun thinks he hated them (which, Yukhei believe partly true) and Yang Yang...well, the youngest was scared of him.

But all their doubt washed away once Mark begun to sing. It was his self composed song, and oh dear lord, Yukhei never thought about a voice like that before, wasn’t sure if it was fitting for their initial band concept at all but, it just good, as he had expected.

Yukhei had forgot about how to impressed Mark on joining the band, as Mark came the day after with his dark sunglasses, black t-shirt and ripped jeans, one leg casually draped over Xiao Jun’s mini set of drums as if he owns the place, singing and composing songs with Xiao Jun and Yang Yang while Sicheng and Yukhei practice their own instruments because they still kind of suck at it.

For about two weeks, things finally crossed his mind that Mark was, _is_ , still in his old band. So he asked the boy about his decision, probably the most mature thing he asked in his entire 17 years of living.

“I quit that band. Will you guys accept me?”

All of them exchange glances. Sicheng shrugged, Xiao Jun let the other decided as he excused himself to ask Yukhei grandmother to make them lunch, Yang Yang was the most helpful when he said, “I love your voice.”

Yukhei just kind of shrugged too, hand still focused on his guitar as he tried to find balance on creating the right sound. “I didn’t stalked you for days to have you not joining us.” He said simply.

They thought about the band name too, since they just went along blindly with practice and didn’t even care to have a name before.

Yang Yang suggested something childish that has got to do with love, which Mark rejected almost immediately after a second the word ‘love’ went out his mouth. Sicheng suggested something dramatic like Reckless or something, but Yukhei said it wasn’t cool enough, so Xiao Jun said just add an ‘x’ to it, because everything sounded cool with an ‘x’ in it.

And Mark, ever so patient Mark, scribbled big words on Xiao Jun drums with bold permanent marker, written; Roxxless. Xiao Jun cringed because he bought that with his own money that he pinched in with Yukhei last paycheck.

“I honestly don’t give a shit if we went with anything other than Yang Yang bull on love,” Mark said, looking down at his own creation. “It reads, roxles, a mixture of rock, reckless, and a cool x, like Xiao Jun wanted.”

They all muttered a series of, “Eh, not bad.”, “Cool.”, “But love is a great attraction.”, and, “shut it, Yang.”

And so, they went alive.

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

They finally found a label to picked up their works after several cheap gigs without pay or even small festivals held by the government where the pay is just so cheap it can only afford them transport.

Their first album came out in one and a half year after Mark opened the door to Yukhei’s garage with his rude ass. They were 18 with the exception of Sicheng being 19 and Yang Yang 17.

They caught the attention of several teenagers community after performing in a slightly bigger festivals, releasing free musics online, and finally got called by companies after their song got hundreds of listener and their live performance of Mark singing and jumping around to rock music went a _little_ viral.

Yukhei thought; this is it. They finally will hit it big when they release 6 tracks for one album.

It was a self made album on mainly composed by him, Yang Yang and of course, Mark. After several months, Mark was like their back bone, Yukhei might had founded the band, but Mark was burning it with his talents.

He composed their songs, write the lyrics, and performed them with so much charisma and power that it finally caught attention for even a passerby.

They had thought it will entered at least in the top ten on the music charts, but no, it entered in 100 spots before went out after several hours.

Heartbroken and disappointed, Mark created more songs that had Yukhei thought a lot about life. His lyrics at that time was mostly composed on lifting the mood and capturing the burning spirits of youngsters, or just a series of curse words on why he hated the world.

They still performed though, never gone on broadcast or even radio to promote because they weren’t that confident outside of the stage. 

The thing about forming the band was, to Yukhei, a dream, to Sicheng a new flame, to Xiao Jun a hobby, to Mark a passion, and to Yang Yang, a rebellion.

Yang Yang parents hadn’t been happy seeing their son gone on a cramped, dirty bus, eating cups of noodles everyday to survived, all along while still not getting the recognition he deserved.

Yukhei had a talk with Yang Yang parents too, as he was the one who was responsible and the self proclaimed leader of the group.

Yukhei won’t lie, the passive aggressive ways of how they talked about the band had crushed his faith a little, that his dreams were cheap and never meant to reach the stars, not anywhere, really. And they had pulled Yang Yang out of the group, securing his life and enrolled him abroad.

He can’t do anything, as Yang Yang cried to him, begging him to do something so he can stay. That was the worst fucking experience in his life, seeing the guitarist shattered expression while he believed he was just getting started.

“Ge, i want to stay in the band.” Yang Yang had said.

Yukhei, his face had turned grimm, remembering the things Yang Yang parents said to him.

“Then stay. Nobody here wanted you to leave.” He answered blatantly.

“But-”

“I know you are more afraid to your parents now, right? You don’t want to disappoint them.”

“I--” Yang Yang had trailed off.

“Follow your heart, see where it leads to. If it leads you back here again, even after you followed your parents path, then you will be here again.” Mark cut him off. He didn’t looked even the slightly bit upset, but Yukhei knew he was worried.

Yang Yang was the closest to him, as he once said, because he reminded him of his own brother back home. And Yukhei knew what he said was a form of advice from a big brother, from a family, not just some mere colleague.

Yang Yang finally left the group after one year and eight months of doing random gigs. He cared a lot about his parents, especially his mother, that he was willing to followed their path instead.

When the lead guitarist left, there was one thing left to do; how to replace him. They thought about getting a new member, but gave up because they didn’t want to start again and bargained their group dynamic. So Yukhei stepped up as the lead guitarist, while he used to be the main guitarist, occasionally doing rap verses or screamo whenever Mark wanted him to in a few songs.

The thought of doing well was what motivated him to be better at the instrument. So Yukhei practiced non-stop, by the time their next album got released, with mostly Mark’s songs, and a few that Yukhei helped him with, it got charted on the third spot.

Yukhei thought his music had growth, but it won’t be happening without his bandmates, especially Mark’s help. The age of their band was two years at that time, and they finally got booked in bigger festivals, and bigger audiences. They even had their fanbases now, and their label got better at promoting the current album by posting a bunch of stuffs online and also social media engagements.

They also had their first music video shooting after one of the song that Mark composed and wrote the lyrics to, climbed up on the top charts and hit the first spot. Gaining attention after their performance in Rock Pass Summer Festival that got broadcasted in national TV.

Yukhei remembered they celebrated it with the whole group plus their manager, Qian Kun, who kindly had stayed with them since the very beginning they got into the company by having luxury dinner and expensive wine.

That was the very first night of fame Yukhei felt after deciding he won’t be joining the army two years ago.

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

You see, what Yukhei hadn’t profoundly, frankly, spoke was how Mark and him wasn’t a match made in heaven since the first time they met. Yukhei never liked his attitude, his attraction towards him was purely for the sake of the band, and he wasn’t wrong about that.

Mark literally carried each and every show on his shoulder with his charismatic side, oversized sleeveless t-shirt of something vulgar; usually black and has a naked person on it, ripped skinny jeans, colourful hair, and his tradition on doing powerful speech so the crowd could fired up, on top of the addicted, deep song lyrics.

Mark, Xiao Jun, and Sicheng whose in that time had gotten a lot closer than when they first met, had gotten a whole bunch of tattoos. The first one was the initials of their first name mix -MSXY- that they got on the same day in the same parlour.

Mark had it at the inside of his right arm, Sicheng somewhere on his chest, and Xiao Jun on his ring finger, as if marking them forever. Yukhei didn’t want any tattoos, as he was scared shitless on getting needles on his body after the last time he got his back surgery after high school.

To make himself feel better because he can’t get any piercing like Mark or Xiao Jun who were a little eager on it, Yukhei settled with experimenting on his hair and clothes, he became highly infested on looking stylish, even if it’s just shopping for t-shirts or jackets.

They performed the same songs for half a year before the company decided to opened a tour for them across the country. Yukhei jokes a lot about his day on joining the army, thinking, much more ironically, that he somehow, not literally, serving his country now too.

They loved performing, a lot of things happened, and they learnt a lot from the crowd, feeling like they were on top of the world when the crowd sang along and knowing all the lyrics to their songs.

Yukhei thought he had; musical wise, improved too, as he began on having a firm grasp on what he was doing, no more blindly following the flowing river, but experiencing the rocky and profusely water along the way.

Things have thoroughly shifted, nearing their almost three years as a band when the news of Mark’s brother suicide reached them.

Mark was still on tour at that time with them. They had been relying on each other, as their relationship gotten closer and stronger even when at first, Mark was much closer to Xiao Jun. While Yukhei, had been the best of friends with Sicheng since forever, always sticks together.

Mark hadn’t cried. If it was Yukhei, even if he didn’t have any siblings, he would have been bawling on the floor, crying his eyes out, and possibly tried to ripped his heart out too, because it must have been so painful.

But Mark hadn’t cried, they still got one show left that night, so he performed with his usual spirits and powerful vocals, without a single person in the crowd knowing he just got one of the closest person to him gone.

Yukhei had said to him that it’s okay if he wanted to cancel, he even shed tears on his own in the bathroom for Mark’s behalf and honestly, he was the one who didn’t want to continue the show anymore. But Mark told them it won’t be good for the band to cancel such a large scale show, and they decided to follow him along in the end.

Yukhei only met with Mark’s family third times for the lengths of knowing the vocalist. Their first show with Mark’s mom, the release of their first album party with his dad and late brother, and the last time was recently when the tour fall on Mark’s hometown with his aunt and cousin.

He knew Mark’s family was little to no avail, similar with his in the case of having their parents splits up since they were young. His brother had lived with his dad, while Mark himself stayed in the city with his mom so he can pursue his dreams here.

And that’s when Yukhei realize, he hadn’t knew anything about Mark at all.

It was either he didn’t bother to dig deeper into their relationship, or him and Mark really hadn’t been close at all despite knowing each other for three years.

At the funeral, he saw Mark clad in all black suit, kneeling in front of his brother coffin, as he finally seen him sobbed, his mother had embraced him quietly, letting her son spilled out all of his muffled cries in her cares, stroking Mark’s hair while she withstand her own grief.

He talked it out with Sicheng after the funeral over, what was he supposed to do at the realization that he hadn’t known Mark enough to understand his feelings or the problems he faced.

Sicheng had suggested that it might be their nature at first, how his personality and Mark was at the different end of a very long spectrum, hence why they hadn’t really got close as much.

Yukhei made a mental note that he needed to try and get close to Mark later.

 

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

 

What amazing about being in a band was, to Yukhei, still to this day, was having freedom over his own creation, other than that was probably having the attention of girls wanting to meet them backstage or at parties.

That was fun too, and Yukhei had dated about three girls since they started the band. The longest and probably serious one was for six months before she broke up with him over the lack of attention he wasn’t giving her due to his schedule, continuously touring across the country, and a lot of interviews that even though he wasn’t the one to spoke, but Mark, it was taking a whole bunch of his time too.

He decided he didn’t want to be in a relationship for now, the last break up was seriously the saddest one he ever had, because he did care for the girl, she was beautiful and smart, loving and kind, the epitome and the closest perfection he could get in a person.

The source to an artist was sometimes just how much their hearts willing to endure. If it’s heartbreaks, a lot of musician got more inspired in creating the outcomes, especially in songs where it connect the dots and touched people hearts; that a lot of people out there are in the same shitty situation as you and they can relate to it too.

Sometimes it makes Yukhei less lonely and less felt like a loser for not maintaining a stable relationship in his twenties, knowing there are more people out there feeling and thinking the exact same thoughts as him. And it’s not like being twenty one is that old, he rather not being in a commitment where he could hurt someone, or being hurt too, at least for now.

They finally finished touring the whole country, garnering people and getting them to know about their music, about Roxxless and Mark, Yukhei, Sicheng and Xiaojun. It honestly had been a blast, they opened so many shows for the past months that Yukhei was sure it helped a lot on sharpening their skill.

Mark especially gathered attention solely on him, he was written as Vocalist of The Year by one of the biggest rock magazine in Hong Kong, while in other words good, it's a double swords when a lot of journalist were asking about his private life, especially the entertainment journalists where they lived off of celebrity scandals.

They were lucky their label agreed on keeping most of their information safely hidden from the media, it had been in their image to be a band that focused solely on music, freed from personal judgement.

For all he knew, Sicheng and Xiao Jun are both currently dating someone now, and based on what Yukhei saw, they did it pretty good in both maintaining, and keeping their partners happy.

Maybe it’s just him who was too tense, he swore he used to be a lot better at relationship when he was younger.

Mark was always hidden, Yukhei never saw him with anyone, well, not with girls, at least. When there were always somebody who flocked to him, he treated them all the same, all smiles and no feelings or even something basic like lust.

He had a raw, wild guess with Xiao Jun on thinking in case Mark was gay all along, which they asked to the man himself later on, and positively got smacked in the face by drum sticks.

“I hate you, idiots.” Mark said, all harsh but no bite to it. He called them idiots and cursed them on the daily basis, anyway.

Yukhei would say that’s one of his major charming points. He was a little small, even if he was like 5.8 inches or something. His mouth is so foul and evil. But he was still small to Yukhei, he can put him in his pocket.

Yukhei had lifted him up one day on stage, which made the crowds went riot while Mark still able to hit those high notes. When it came to performing, they were all wild, all fire and loud screams.

Yukhei went shirtless on good days, Mark jumped five feet on the air if he wanted to and shouted “Fuck off, Wong Yukhei!” as an opening to one of their song, Sicheng and Xiao Jun exchanged instruments just to pissed Mark off when they went off key.

The very firsts of their performance were even wilder, probably because they had so much more energy than now. On their first stage ever, Mark lost his voice because he sang all his heart out, jumping around and you will find pictures of him a few feets off the air, Yukhei weren’t exactly different, they all just really like jumping to fire up. There was this one time where mark stubbed his big toe and his nail fell out, he was in pain and went to the doctor before the show, but he still tried to jump around in one leg, that was the only performance they could call The One Leg Show. They laugh about it until now.

Their fourth year after a whole year of touring were spent on making more music, going mia for days and camped around in Yukhei’s grandma garage like old times. When Sicheng and Xiaojun left on their mini bowling session with the newly graduated Yang Yang, Yukhei recalled his almost forgotten promise on getting to know Mark more.

“Can we go play outside or something? We’ve been writing for two days already.” Yukhei said to the focused Mark after the other three went outside, hand twisting Xiao Jun’s abandoned drum stick.

Mark still focused on his guitar, trying to finished one song that he’s been working for over a week now. Yukhei thinks it’s the longest one Mark has ever written, usually, it would just be a quick one hour or two days at max. When he got a good tunes, sometimes he wrote lyrics on his palm so that he can work on the other parts later, or giving it to the producers to work on.

“Why don’t you go with the others, though? I know you love bowling.” Mark mumbled.

“I want to rest. You’ve been squeezing my brain out for three days.” Yukhei reasoned.

The truth was, Yukhei wanted to stay so he can get close to him. It was a little impossible while they were on tour, mostly because Mark and him had different timelines when they went to sleep.

Yukhei, being the night owl made it awake through the night, he picked an unhealthy habit to smoke a couple of cigarettes in an open area most basically as stress reliever, even when he promised his grandma to slowly stop because he will die faster if he did. While Mark is an early bird trying to do everything to fit his already tight schedule.

Yukhei was slumped behind Xiao Jun drum sets, while Mark sat on the sofa not far from him. He wore an oversized grey hoodie, something the old him wouldn’t find attractive to wear at all.

Yukhei thought Mark matured a lot, he used to be super moody, like he wanted the world to hate on him. But he is more responsible now, more calm, even when he still joked around calling Sicheng an idiot, snipping Yukhei’s favorite new brand t-shirt just to get on his nerves, or even watched rated movies with Xiao Jun.

“Then why are you asking me to go out?”

Yukhei rolled his eyes. “For once, just for once, won’t you stop making a fool out of me?”

Mark looked at him with a straight face. “No.”

Called it.

Yukhei got up from his sitting position, edging closer to the clueless Mark that still focused on his guitar. Snatching away the instrument and then proceed to lifted him up like he was a bride. Well he probably is, an annoying one, at that.

Mark squirmed. “Put me down, you fucker!”

Yukhei slapped his mouth, but not too hard, just to made Mark glare at him more. “No cursing in this house, Mark Lee. You know the rules.”

Yukhei lifted him inside the house, grinning widely when his grandma spotted them.

She just shook her head, muttering; “Don’t break anything.” And continue to walk with her knitting tools, while Mark was sighing because Yukhei still won’t put him down. When he finally did, he put Mark on the couch, quickly searching for the tv remote so they can watch movies.

“I’m going back.” Mark said, about to stand up.

Yukhei, unbothered, said, “fine. I could just carry you back here again.”

Mark groaned. “Aren’t you tired?”

Yukhei pressed a few buttons to play his movie, shrugging. “Nope. You’re as light as paper.”

“Wow, thanks for the confident boost, it’s nice knowing i was truly a noodle boy like they called me in those magazines.”

Yukhei turned around with a shocked face. Guilt started to eat him up. “That’s not what i meant. What i meant is you are just light that i could probably carry you back to back five times as practice, i really didn’t mean it that way, really. I think your body is okay and those media that comments on your quality other than your talents are trash. Why do you even read that--”

Mark stepped on Yukhei’s foot. Hard. And Yukhei screamed. As hard. “Shut up. Idiot,” he said, hands folded to his chest and brows furrowed. “I was just kidding. They never called me a noodle boy, it’s just my contribution on me practicing sarcasm as self defense, i’ll chopped anyone who called me that.”

Yukhei nodded in agreement. “That makes much more sense.”

Mark rolled his eyes.

They settled on watching Coco. Yukhei had no clue on what it was about, thinking that it would probably be a light movie for them, as their brain would probably turned off if it were given something serious. Moreover, the cover seems lifely, festivals ornaments and halloween vibes.

Yukhei laid down, put his head on Mark’s lap and sprawled his long legs on the rest of the sofa. He heard Mark grumbles but he didn’t say anything anyway, so Yukhei thought it’s a good sign on getting to know him better.

His grandma came and sat on her favorite slouch couch in the corner of the living room, said that she was curious and started to watch with them too, even when she fell asleep after about half of the movie, with Mark and Yukhei giggling over her.

By the time the movie was about to end, Yukhei almost shed a few tears, but he felt a little bad when the movie touched the topic of family and loved ones. He glance up at Mark, seeing him teary eyed and smile, he always knew the vocalist had a soft heart inside his rebel character he tried to project.

Yukhei went back on focusing to the movie, when it gets to the point where the grandma finally remembered her father, thus making him ugly sobbing, Yukhei didn’t expect to felt another tears falling on his forehead, when he looked up, Mark was crying too. Yukhei had stopped crying, he smiles now, lifting a finger to brushed the later tears away from his cheek.

“Why are you picking this movie?” Mark said through muffled cries.

“I don’t know it’ll be sad, either.” He answered truthfully.

When Yukhei grandmother woke up from her sleep, confusion in her expression as she saw two boys with dried tears and swollen eyes, Yukhei and Mark laugh it off; how could 21 years old cried this easily over a movie?

When the movie was over, they had a warm dinner immediately, Mark decided to stay the night after continuing his song for three more hours, Yukhei by his side giving him moral support and suggestions on how the song went.

“Thanks, by the way,” Mark said, face down like he was embarrassed.

Yukhei smile. “What for?”

“That was the first time i cried in months after--” he trailed off. Thinking and finally letting out a loud breath. “My brother. I get help too, you know? Has been for months, but it was never right or wrong, and sometimes, i feel so helpless.”

Yukhei walked to his side, Mark looked up in panic, but Yukhei lifted his chin up to looked at him. “Why you didn’t tell me this before? Or Xiao Jun, or Sicheng?” he said, thinking about all those excuses Mark made when he went missing after one or two performances.

Mark looked defeated. “I thought i got this under control, but i always feels like i was to blame. My therapist said that it wasn’t my fault, that what happened to him was beyond me, and i couldn’t control it. But the thoughts always there, Yukhei. I feel like it was eating me up. If only i made more time for him, if only i wasn’t selfish enough to not visiting my father just because i hated him, if only i was there for him when he-”

Yukhei reached a hand out to embrace the later, stroking the back of his head while he still stands, like what he saw Mark’s mother did the other day. “Shh,” he said, voice calm. “You didn’t know, and you already done your best for him. He loves you with his whole heart, Mark. Everyone can see it. It wasn’t your fault even if you think it is, okay? It’s no one’s faults, but the illness. You’ve done your best for him.”

“He was still so young, still hadn't had his life figured out yet.” Mark continue to sobbed.

This time, Yukhei bends down so he will be face to face with him, letting Mark buried his face in between Yukhei’s shoulder. “Do you know what he told me when we met last year?” he said, reminiscing the day he saw Mark’s late brother for the first time. He was quiet, but just one glance, you can tell that he admired Mark so much. Yukhei had approach the boy one time after they finished eating, asking what he thinks of their songs. “He said your music was making him more alive, he said that maybe because you are his brother, you guys share the same story. He relate and admires you so much, Mark. He was happy, so happy to be your brother.”

Mark didn’t say anything further and Yukhei listened to his silent cries.

“I believe he wanted nothing but happiness for you. Heal all you want. You are still grieving now and that’s okay. I’m here for you, we’re all here for you. You are not alone.”

He can feel Mark held on to him tighter as he hugs Yukhei’s hips. “Thanks, Yukhei.”

Yukhei, still stroking his hair, said with certainty, with clarity; “anytime, Mark.”

 

 

✪✪✪

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to Jeno for one particular line in this chapter ^^


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: Mention of suicide.

“I love this song the most, i feel like i can sing this to my girlfriend if only my voice wouldn’t break at the first note.” Sicheng said, grinning as if he just won a lottery.

“I agree. This is so us. Emo romantic type of shit that everybody digs,” Xiao Jun pinched in. “It would even be good enough for the main tracks.”

“Good then. I’m taking this to Joe for arrangement.” Mark said, finished showing his bandmates the demo song he wrote.

Yukhei looked at him curiously. “When did you write this? I was sure i was always there whenever you write, and you raid my nana garage for three months.”

Mark shrugged. “Just late nights with my guitar.”

Sicheng and Xiao Jun coos. “The lyrics sounded like you were in love or something. Did you accidentally fell in love with one of Yukhei neighbors?” Xiao Jun asked.

Mark grimaces, playfully hitting Xiao Jun’s head. Mark always loved to play with Xiao Jun the most, mostly because he found out that at some point, the drummer was scared of him when they first met, saying that Mark was too much of a bad boy and scary.

“Not everything has to be romantic.” He said calmly.

“There’s literally love written repeatedly in the lyrics.” Sicheng said, reading the lyrics closely.

“That’s just for hyperbole.”

Xiao Jun snorted, comical expression written on his face. “Remember that one time Mark wrote a song about always be there for your other half in whatever condition to sang in his friend’s wedding? The guy got divorce twice afterwards.”

All of them laughed. Even Mark who was the target of Xiao Jun’s jokes. Yukhei remembered that, the song climbed up the charts too because the youngsters loved it, when in fact, they all joke that it was a jinxed song that made for people to get divorce afterwards.

Yukhei loves the lyrics to the song Mark just showed them, it’s as if telling the person you love that they are thankful for your existence, that because of you, they are able to laugh again and wished you would remember and noted that.

Mark was always so good at expressing these kinds of emotions when he wasn’t so good in acting it out, he showed his romantic sides in musics.

When he was younger, his music was almost always about rebellion or social constructive lyrics. He used to said he came to the world with his middle finger up pointing at everything, but as he grew, his index finger began to lifted up too. No longer filled with anger, it has now moving with peace. These days his lyrics are more encouraging their listener to live life to the fullest they could be.

“It’s good, can’t wait to record it.” He said to Mark while tapping the table with his fingers, earning a satisfying smile from the later.

They started to record for the third album now, and within two weeks, they will be going to the US for one of the rising rock band that invited them as an opening act in their concert. The opportunity was so amazing to them because they always thought they will conquer the world, not just Hongkong, for their musical market. Just like all those rock bands they listened to growing up.

All of them were excited to go, even Sicheng and Xiao Jun were working extra hard on speaking in english. Mark was the most fluent, as he had been living in Canada before, even his lyrics were always a fusion between english with a little bit of native language. That’s probably why their music could reached larger audiences too.

Yukhei knows how to speak in english, but he didn’t have enough confident in showing them. So when it was an interview or some sort, Mark carry it away with him. He was good at talking, sometimes Yukhei got bored when he started to make a really long speech to answer the interviewer question.

Things shifted, once again, when they began touring in the US.

Yukhei would say his relationship with Mark had gone extremely well, he was shocked that even to the fans, they were known to be not that close with each other.

Thankfully, it wasn’t the case anymore. They found a new hobby together, per se. And that is watching animation at the strangest hour of the night. From Disney, Dreamworks to even Ghibli, they watched it all everyday when they went on tour. They even watched the same movie twice just because it was so good.

Their tour bus was getting a major upgrade when they were touring the US. They filled it with snacks, mostly noodle cups and canned food, also one or two bottles of wine when they feel like the night was awesome.

The album is almost done too, it was done 80% while they were on tour, the music video and album would release at the same time in China next.

But one very bad thing happened while they were in one of the City in USA, in a foreign country where they couldn’t possibly check it themselves. The entertainment journalists had made articles about Mark secret relationship with a girl group member, saying that he was secretly marrying her and already started a family. They had his picture getting out from her apartment a few months back, Mark was looking rather under the weather, with sunglasses on and his usual ripped jeans and dark hoodie.

News travel fast, and the fans were all in rage trying to find answers. Mark denied it, he did went to see the girl in her apartment, but he wasn’t alone. He was with more than ten other people celebrating her birthday because she used to be his friend at the time he was still in his old label. Things got messy when the girl was caught on drug scandal days after, and speculation flew around that Mark also took part in it.

Mark went home to Hong Kong for two days, filling out forms and police investigation, taking the drug test, and when he was proven clean, he flew back to the US to finish the tour.

The management had released official statements, but the damage was already done, and it could affect the upcoming release of their album. Mark was beyond stressed, Yukhei could tell. Even when the vocalist denied that this whole thing was something that would shaken his spirit, Yukhei can tell that he was worried. Not for himself, but for the band itself.

“It doesn't matter, i share music, not my relationship.” He said to Sicheng.

He carried the performance as usual that day, voice stable and a firm grasped of the crowd. But once the curtain fell, his shoulder slumped, his head down, and forehead knitted in distressed.

You see, it wasn’t just shifted. It was...lifting. Yukhei didn’t just felt things shifted, it all went in a wrecked, breaking in a havoc, like a hurricane and heavy storms. Lightning in the cloudy night, but sunrise in the break of dawn.

It’s like his pack of cigarette. Addicting but killing. Two different things that took all the bad days in a cursory motion, something reckless that he wasn’t supposed to feel.

One graze at a skin, a lingering soft touches that last for the whole day, a drop of ray in his gloomy sphere, but deadly, causing him to break. Scared if he ever lose control. If he ended up unwilling to let go in the end. If it ever ends.

He didn’t know where it started. Perhaps on that day Mark learned about the scandal, and Yukhei pressed soft kisses on his neck, prepared to be kicked in the shin but Mark didn’t, leaning closer so he can continue, let Yukhei easing all the tension felt all over his body.

Perhaps it wasn’t that day to where it all started, but the night where Mark poured out his feelings and Yukhei offered him an embracing home. Perhaps it was those days passed where they shivered from each other touches afterwards, a calming hand and a helping link, building up and crashed when Yukhei pressed his mouth around Mark’s neck to calm his nerves. Because he was too tense and Yukhei would do anything to not let him break.

“You are too tense.” Yukhei reasoned.

Mark didn’t say anything for a while, and God knows what on his mind as he did nothing but leaned closer instead, and Yukhei held him, looking for a sign of discomfort; but found none.

Mark’s eyes stoop low, and it wasn’t a matter of time that Yukhei captured his lips, his warm and plump lips against Mark’s cold one. Pulling out when he felt the vocalist froze, almost freaked out, and already embracing the doomed on his part.

“You don’t like me.” Mark said, eyes closed as if trying to deceive himself. His fingers trailed burning touches on Yukhei’s cheek.

“Can i still kiss you?” Yukhei whispered against his lips, avoiding the question he didn’t even know the answer to yet. _Please._

Mark didn’t talk again, but the vocalist pulled him in to connect their lips one more time. Like he was testing the water but this time, it wasn’t soft; it was seeking, for comfort, for something lost. Mark hands formed a knot on Yukhei sleeveless shirt, pulling him harder against him, and Yukhei’s arm circle around his body.

With both lips intertwined, Yukhei held his chin, deepening their kiss, and gaining Mark the access when he tried to parted Yukhei’s lips with his tongue. So he gave him just that, wrapping him in a promise of tomorrow, for a better day and warmth.

When they pulled apart, none of them said anything. And Yukhei took a deep breath, stashing the confusion situation to tomorrow, because they are just so tired that night, pulling over the blanket to covered Mark’s body and his, held him in an embrace until morning brought them back to reality.

Yukhei won’t let him break alone, not anymore.

  


 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

  


Yukhei huffed out a smoke from inside his mouth, a bundle of grey against the already dark sky. The guitarist looked up to the night canvas at the apartment balcony where all Roxxless members shared a space which they could just spent the day resting if they weren’t on tour or in the studio producing music.

The clock hit exactly 2 AM marks and Yukhei dragged his feet outside, his brain clogged up too much today, mainly because of the long day of practice for the many upcoming performance at festivals, since it’s Summer and festivals like Dead Pop or Rock Zone were the destination where people flocked in to enjoyed the sun and musics.

Their album dropped a month ago, right around the time they went back to Hong Kong after touring the US for two months. It went well, they had a special collaboration song with a youth community involving hundred of students with big dreams, Mark wrote the song and Yukhei arranged it.

The other reason was because Mark’s lips left a loiter touch on his, on his neck, even after hours they decided to sleep. His touches burnt Yukhei’s whole body and his mind went insane just remembering the bit of pieces about it.

They never went for more than just a heavy make out session involving kissing and touching, Yukhei can’t even think he would survived if they went a little further than that. Not now, at least.

He never thought his desperate moves one night in California earned him the right to touch Mark like he did, but it did, anyway.

Mark allowed him in his bed, either they cuddled or a hand draped over Yukhei stretched out body, either way, it made them both warm, safe and sound from the hours they spent in front of hundreds people.

Stealing glances and secret touches had become their thing, and Yukhei did nothing but embrace them. Pulling Mark inside the closet of their waiting room to pressed him against the hard wall, and kissed the life out of him when they knew everybody else were just outside, probably could hear their moans and desperate thoughts. Some nights, Yukhei wrapped Mark in his arm, and the vocalist returned them by circling his whole body on Yukhei’s, not letting go until the sun wake them up.

Their night had align, no longer separated so their kiss could last, so that time could prolonged and leave them no traces left to explore. Yukhei measured Mark’s body with his lips, memorizing them so it could forever be photographed inside his deepest and darkest mind. And Mark made sure his supple fingers touched every inch of Yukhei like the hundreds songs he sang before when Yukhei found himself lost in the middle of the night.

But Mark left him with nothing but unfinished songs. He let Yukhei touched him, he let him laugh and fix all his broken pieces. He might allow him to...have feelings. But he just throw it all away.

“What are you doing here? Go back to bed.”

Lost in his thoughts, Yukhei didn’t noticed the now blonde hair Mark standing beside him. He looked tired, dark eyebags, his mess of a hair latched onto his head like bad noodles, and Yukhei still wanted to kissed his paired of dry lips, wanted to devours him in the best possible ways.

Yukhei didn’t answered, eyes back up to stare at the moon, letting out another huffed of smoke. Mark snatched his cigar, and Yukhei watched as he inhale the toxic air.

Mark never smoke, it was bad for his throat and voice, and he knew it, never wavered unlike Yukhei who lived off of things that killed him so painstakingly slow. Like cigarettes, like Mark fucking Lee.

Mark huffed the smoke out of his mouth to the warm air of August, he then stub the cigar on the railing, throwing the now dead killing machine off the 5th floor of the apartment complex. Leaning his weight there, Mark looked up to him.

“You should stop smoking, didn’t you promised your granny already?”

Yukhei smile. “I still need it, so maybe later.”

Mark still had his eyes locked to his, and Yukhei needed all the strength in the world to not lose his control at those pair of eyes. Mark then moved closer, his face was merely an air away now, and Yukhei swore he could’ve pulled him in right now.

“It’s not good for you,” Mark said slowly, voice barely a whisper but it rang loud and clear in Yukhei’s mind, twisting them into _you are not good for me, either_. “You are a musician, this could make your stamina went low.”

“I know.” He whispered back, eyes stoop low to catch a glimpse at the vocalist’s lips, earning a smirk from Mark when he obviously caught him.

“You are bad, Wong Yukhei.”

“Will you do anything about it?” Yukhei challenged.

The corner of Mark’s lips lifted up a little. Yukhei saw him dive down on his neck, and he felt a pair of lips dropping small kisses there. Yukhei closed his eyes, enjoying the air and Mark’s burning kiss. But his eyes shot opened as he felt the vocalist started to nips at his neck, probably intending for it to have a mark later.

When Mark pulled away, Yukhei groaned in distressed. But Mark smile at him again, no more a playful one, but the genuine one that brought him home. “Let’s sleep, long day tomorrow.” He muttered slowly, walking away.

Yukhei pulled him from going away by his wrist. “Don’t you think we should talk about-”

Mark looked exhausted, he bit his lips, shaking his head. “Yukhei, don’t...”

“When, then? You keep running away everytime i asked this, but don’t you think it would just...be easier? For us, i mean.” Yukhei asked, voice seeking, as he pulled Mark closer to him, making sure that the later can capture the hopeful voice inside him.

Mark stopped, thinking away, probably running away too. His eyes wandered everywhere and it frustrated Yukhei a lot but he wouldn’t do anything that would rushed him. There was one look of determination in his expression, and Yukhei heart soar thinking they might finally start somewhere.

“You want to stop, then?”

Whatever hope Yukhei had faltered in that moment. “What?”

Mark leaned closer to him, capturing Yukhei’s warm lips in his cold ones as he did nothing but obeyed, parting his lips when Mark asked him to with his tongue.

“I don't want this to end,” Mark whispered against his lips, breath lingered a little too long, it swept inside his heart. Mark eyes were looking down at his lips, trailed up until it landed on Yukhei’s eyes. “I don't think we should change how things are right now.”

Yukhei is pissed.

But he slept in Mark’s safe arms that night.

  


 

✪✪✪

 

  
  


Yukhei had his eyes searching everywhere in the building, looking for one particular blonde hair and his newly inked tattoo he got a week ago.

It was a tattoo of three words that he got after late night thoughts when they slept in each other arms, done mapping out their own sadness to sew it shut with assurances.

“Lucas, really?” Mark asked, voice battled with confusion and muffled laughter.

Yukhei held him close to his chest, burying his face in the crook of Mark's neck. “My dad used to call me that when i was five. He said it's cool if one day i became a musician like Freddie Mercury or something.”

“Why don't you used that as your stage name, then?”

Yukhei left kisses on his naked shoulder. “It's something special between us, me and my dad. It's the only unchanged memories that is nice to me.”

Mark turned his head around to face him, and Yukhei was prepared if he asked for more kisses, but the vocalist just smile at him.

“We can make it last forever without anyone knowing it, who knows, it could be even more special.” Mark muttered, voice a whisper, a smile played at his lips.

Yukhei frowned. “What do you mean?”

A week later, after the heavy schedule cleared and a few nights of rest, Mark dragged him and Sicheng to their usual tattoo parlor in Hong Kong.

Sicheng just want to come along because he might get a new tattoo soon to accompany the stars across his nape. Yukhei was there because he was curious which part of his body Mark decided to inked an LCS.

LCS. As in Lucas.

That adorable lion.

That day, Yukhei watched Mark playfully, painfully, pulled on the side of his shirt so that he could revealed his naked shoulder, there wasn't any ink in that area before, since Mark always preferred his arms to get it done. But now there is, a tiny, clearly visible three words that meant the world to him, and Mark just made it more special. The design of the words wasn't even put together, rather scattered everywhere across his shoulder blade.

That same day, with of course the curtain falls, door closed and hearts soared, Yukhei kisses the side of his shoulder, just around it since it was still wrapped in bandages.

And now Mark is missing. The backstage looked less crowded, since the show had ended two hours ago, even Sicheng and Xiao Jun had called it a day and went back to the apartment first. But Yukhei couldn't find Mark anywhere now.

“Ge, have you seen Mark?”

Kun stopped in his track, he was carrying his backpack and was about to leave and have a talk with their tour manager.

“Huh? No-wait I'll help you find him later,” he said, turning his back before Yukhei could answered, back to the conversation he had with the tour manager.

Yukhei shrugged, he walked everywhere again, carrying a bag filled with his things. Ten minutes passed and Yukhei gave up looking, he went back to where he originally found Kun.

“Oh there you are,” Kun lighten up upon seeing him. “Mark is in the car, he said he’ll come home with me, he is eating fruits now.”

Yukhei chuckled. “Really? That annoying guy, I've been searching for him everywhere but he's eating.”

“Give him a break, he looked beat today.”

“Yeah, i wonder about that too.”

Mark was a little off towards half of their performance. His brows knitted, and even if he managed to not made any mistakes, the people close to him will surely notice that he was upset about something.

And he almost flew somewhere right after the performance, no one noticed, and he won't answered Yukhei calls, so he thinks maybe that something has got to do with him too.

“Can you give us 15 minutes alone? I need to talk to him about something.” Yukhei said to the manager.

The manager nodded. “Why? Aren't you coming home with us?”

Yukhei shook his head. “No, i brought my motorbike.”

Kun let him go when Yukhei waved at him. He took big steps to the parking lot, Kun’s Mercedes benz was parked alone in an almost empty space, the engine wasn't running and Yukhei had doubts if anyone is even in the car, but then he saw Mark’s feet dragged out from the open door. He was looking up to the sky.

“What's that?” Yukhei called as he walked closer to him, spotting a plate of fruits on the vocalist lap.

Mark spare him a glance, but he didn’t do it for long before he had his eyes focused up again, face sour. “Fucking fruits.”

“Woah, okay what's with the sudden mood?”

Mark let out a loud breath. “Sorry. I was just--get in first, there’s a lot of journalists out there.”

Yukhei wanted to comment that they wouldn’t do anything scandalous...would they? But he get in anyway, filling the space Mark left for him.

“My dad came today.” Mark began once Yukhei closed the door.

“Really? Why he didn’t--”

“He left,” Mark cut him off. “He sent me a text message saying i was super cool tonight, and that he was proud of me. Then he left.”

Yukhei finally understand why Mark was upset.

The vocalist was not having a great relationship with his father ever since he was young. Probably since he ran away from home for not taking his parents divorce well, and he held a grudge on his father for not making things work for the family, for not believing in Mark’s dream on becoming a musician, and he was just too naive at that time, too confident and full of rage.

But Yukhei knew he was more sorry on how things are right now.

“Have you call him?”

Mark shook his head. “No, i don’t know what to say.”

“He probably didn’t know what to say to you either,” Yukhei said. “But i can see that he did care for you, he’s probably just too shy to show it. He did came to see you, didn’t he?”

Mark stare at the space in front of him, his brows knitted like all those time when eeriness were eating him up. “Yeah,” he muttered.

Yukhei gave him a gentle smile. “Just say thank you, he’ll be happy.”

Mark was thinking for a second, probably building up his courage. And Yukhei watched him, waiting for anything mark wanted him to do.

It was a little weird seeing the vocalist nervous side, because he was usually full of confidence, like a real hero on the stage.

But Yukhei had seen several sides of him already, the different faces that anyone hadn't see at all, and he had embraced it all, saving them inside his memories like they were treasures.

“Okay, I'm gonna call him.”

Yukhei gave him a reassuring smile, muttering; “go ahead.” and then proceed to eat another strawberry.

Yukhei relationship with his parents were good. They both are just a little busy, and work too hard that they forgot to love each other. But Yukhei were never out of love, he got it from everyone, mostly his grandma that always teached and talked him out about the situation his parents were in.

“ _Hey dad, no, it's already over. I just want to say…thank you? For coming, i mean. I...no. There's something i want to talk to you, can i visit tomorrow_?”

Yukhei smile when Mark looked at peace once the phone call was over.

“Better?” He asked.

Mark smile, nodding.

“Good,” Yukhei said. He picked a kiwi, stuffing it in the vocalist mouth. “But didn't you have a problem with me too?”

“What? No.”

“Come on, i saw you running away when you spotted me and Charlene,” Yukhei said, dropping a glance at the later. “You looked pretty upset.”

Charlene Cheung was talking to him earlier. The tall and pretty girl was one of Yukhei close friend in the industry. He had a lot of friends outside of his band group, especially another musicians since he almost always had people contacting him to hang out together sometimes, and he didn’t refused when he got time in between concert, festivals, and recording. Charlene was a member of one of the most famous girl group in Hong Kong, and she is a really good friend to him so Yukhei was very comfortable talking to her already.

The girl just happened to visit him backstage, said that she was in that area so she went here for support, and they were talking happily, even when Yukhei had sweat all over his body after performing three songs before. Charlene was clinging to him, chatting about how she had to sneak around so that anyone besides the crew wouldn’t find out that she went there, or there will be rumors moving around.

Mark laughed nervously. “No I'm not.”

Yukhei scoots closer to his side, trapping Mark between his arms. “You're not?” He said, hovering above him, as Mark held on to the door behind him. “You really not?”

“No…” Mark answered, a little hesitant as his eyes trailed down Yukhei’s lips. “I'm not jealous.”

Yukhei chuckled. “I didn't say anything about you being jealous,” Yukhei lifted Mark’s head by his chin, looking down at his pair of lips that made Mark shivered immediately. “I want kiwi.”

“Eat that shit, then, I'm goi-”

Mark freezed as Yukhei captured his lips with his, quickly biting down, asking for an access inside the vocalist’s mouth, which he then allowed by opening his mouth a little, but enough for Yukhei to marvel inside. The action draws out a moan from both of them and Mark is left breathless once Yukhei pulled away just to gave him a faint smile, looking proud.

“Delicious,” He whispered against his lips.

Before Yukhei could lean in again, Mark beat him to it by pushing the taller away, making him sat down as he Straddled Yukhei’s hips, pulling his collar and kisses him with such vigor, the one that leaves Yukhei hot and bothered. Yukhei didn’t move, hands still draped over Mark’s body, allowing the vocalist to pressed and devour him all he wanted.

Yukhei hands traveled to Mark’s neck, stroking in all the right places and then he pulled away, before he got too carried away by their equally passionate kiss. He laughed when Mark let out an annoyed whine, but lowering his head so it could align with the vocalist’s neck, hot breath against cold skin.

“I’m not yours,” Yukhei said, whispering against the later's neck before he dropped tons of kisses there. “You said it yourself.” He continued, can feel Mark’s pulse, kissing every inch of it to ease his tension.

Yukhei felt Mark sudden halt, like he just froze. So he stopped pressing more kisses, looking up to see Mark’s face shriveled.

“Sorry,” Mark muttered.

Yukhei held his face, he took a deep breath first. “Can we just, try, Mark? Just try. I don't want to rushed you, but can you just give us a try?”

Mark shook his head. “At what, Yukhei? Can we really work?”

“If we want to, if you--”

“No, no. You and i, we have responsibility. We are the frontmen of Roxxles, can't you imagine the prejudice everyone will have on us? It's not just because we're both guys, but we're also in the band together, don't you think they will think it's unprofessional? Can you imagine how Xiao Jun and Sicheng will felt if we--if we unintentionally decided to break the band up just because we wanted to be together? It's unfair for them, for the fans, for anyone. I don't think it's a good thing--”

“I'm not worth it.” Yukhei muttered, hands fell to the side of his body, and Mark realized that he probably had said the wrong thing as his expression turned panicked. “I thought at least you'll give us a try. But I'm not even worth the effort to, am i?” Yukhei trailed off slowly, eyes down, and a grimm on his face.

He was angry, pissed off. So he just bite hard at his lips.

“That's not--”

“Will you get off of me, please? I have somewhere to be.”

Mark expression now turned sad, but he moved so Yukhei can comb his hair to the back, trying to calm himself down. It felt so awkward to be with each other at least for now. So Yukhei just opened the car door, noticing that Kun was walking over, and was talking on his phone.

“I don't want to hurt you, Yukhei. It's the last thing i want to do. But we can’t bargain everyone life just because it's what we wanted. What _i_ wanted.”

Yukhei chuckled bitterly. “Yeah, sure. I understand.” He said, and closed the door hard.

Yukhei knew somewhere in his head that what Mark said was right. But at least for now, he couldn't differentiate the logic with the blended anger and disappointment from himself.

From his heart.

It just hurts.

  


 

✪✪✪


	3. Chapter 3

Yukhei is embarrassed.

That’s mainly why he hadn’t tried to get out from his mother apartment for seven days now. Kun had visited him yesterday, saying that it’s okay if he wanted to take his time off since Roxxless won’t have any new schedule for the next two weeks. All of them were just worried that Yukhei won’t answered his phone or reply to their text messages.

He would have answered it all if he wasn’t just so fucking embarrassed of his childishness. A 22 years old that won’t even talk like a proper adult, won’t talk things through with his bandmate because he got his heart broken. If that wasn’t the definition of pathetic.

He hasn’t even checked his phone, it’s been turned off since he got here in the middle of the night where he last talked to everyone, whining to his mother that he just felt so tired and then sleeping with her the whole night. For the whole week, Yukhei blew bubbles with the little girl that live next door, sometimes he fought with the big dogs belong to a grandmother living down the hall, sometimes he stare blankly at the ceiling in the living room waiting for his mother from work.

But here he was finally, sitting in his mother couch at twelve in the afternoon, the TV is on airing some entertainment talk show that talk about tons of celebrities scandal going on. He held his phone, and the machine rings with a lot of notifications. Yukhei stupid, childish, and broken hearted mind immediately lights up when he spotted 21 missed calls, and seven text messages from none other than Mark Lee.

Even now, Yukhei hated that the thought of him can still made his heart fluttered. But it was normal considering he just started to let go of him recently, right?

He opened the many angry and worry emojis Sicheng sent his number first.

Dongsich 7 days ago 8.30 AM: _Where are you let’s go golfing_

Dongsich 7 days ago 10.00 AM: _Wong Yukhei_

Dongsich 5 days ago 06.23 PM: _You fucker it’s been two days won’t you answer?_

Dongsich 4 days ago 10.41 AM: angry emoji x3

Dongsich 4 days ago 12.02 AM: _I’m just kidding i love you_

Dongsich 3 days ago 7.09 AM: _I’m burning your grandma garage today w Xiao Jun wru_

Dongsich 3 days ago 8.30 AM: _Nvm granny cast us out, but Jun took ur guitar haha_

Dongsich 3 days ago 9.08 AM: angry emoji x3

Dongsich 2 days ago 07.12 AM: _Wru_

Dongsich 2 days ago 8.00 AM: _I hope ur fine, i’m hanging out with ur dog now_

Dongsich 2 days ago 9.30 AM: _Actually i'll just take my real girl out today, wru_

Dongsich yesterday 11.29 PM: _You’re in your mom’s? Fine then, take care, call me asap_

He chuckled when he opened a text from Xiao Jun next.

xJun 3 days ago 7.15 AM:   _Hey can i borrow your guitar that got signed by Pierre Bouvier pls_

xJun 3 days ago 8.18 AM: _Lol i’m taking this as a yes, thanks_

Yukhei sent them a reply saying he is alright and will be back at the apartment by tomorrow, warning Xiao Jun that if his guitar isn't like how it was before, he will have to take his favorite drum sticks and sell it on ebay.

Mark Lee 8 days ago 11.47 PM: _Yukhei I'm sorry, talk to me when you're feeling better. Don't do something stupid, please._

Mark Lee 6 days ago 10.24 PM: _Where are you?_

Mark Lee 4 days ago 12.54 PM: Yukhei?

Mark Lee 4 days ago 11.27 PM: _Look, let's talk? Don't torture me like this._

Mark Lee 3 days ago 8.13 PM: _I'm in the studio now, can we please meet?_

Mark Lee 2 days ago 10.22 PM: _Yukhei, can you please just talk to me? This isn't right, we need to talk. Come home, please?_

Mark Lee yesterday 11.09 AM: _I’m sorry, please be alright._

Yukhei shoulder slumped. The last message Mark sent was probably after Kun found out he stayed at his mother apartment.

He had thought about it over, and what Mark said was completely right. It wasn't just about them anymore, it's not just them being in the same band, or both of them being men. They have responsibility both to the band, and the public, how much fucked up that actually is.

Yukhei attention moved when he vaguely heard his name from the woman in the television, there, he saw himself from a week ago, smashing Kun's car door hard and stomped himself away. And then a clip of him talking down to Mark and them both getting inside the car together was showing.

“... _the two bandmates of rising rock band Roxxless, Mark Lee and Wong Yukhei were both seen in their manager car a week ago after Dead Pop Festivals. In the empty road, our witnesses said that the two were being extremely close and intimate with each other, before Wong strode out in anger riding his motor bike. What could possibly be the reason? Is it ‘couple’ in trouble, or just a mere fights between members? Either way, Roxxless might have to fix their_ …”

Shit shit shit.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Yukhei muttered, standing up and almost dropping his phone, but thank goodness it didn't happen.

He immediately pressed the number to Kun, the manager wasn't answering and it directed him to the voicemail instead.

The show was showing him pushing Mark inside the car, and Yukhei knew exactly what happened later, how they talked, how they kissed each other, and how they argue. Suddenly it all felt like a dream when seeing it on tape.

The footage was shaky and dark, but it looked like it was fast forwarded to when Yukhei was closing the car door, his expression was clearly upset, mad, as he ran somewhere from the scene.

It really looked like he had a fight with Mark.

Yukhei tried to keep calling Kun, biting his nails anxiously, before he got startled by the sound of the front door being knocked. Yukhei unwillingly moved his long legs to the door, guessing it was probably his mother neighbor since his mother live alone and always working from 9 to 5. Yukhei eyes shot opened once he spotted Mark with his hand frozen in the air, as if he was trying to give another knock to the door.

Mark looked like he didn’t expected to see Yukhei there either, so he let his hand down. His tattoo covered arms were hidden in a black bomber jacket, while he wore his green Nirvana sleeveless shirt paired with ripped jeans and boots.

“Hey,” Mark started.

Yukhei would like to answer, but then he got reminded by the news he just saw. “Why are you here? Have you not seen the news?”

Mark looked sad, his face turned blue. “I was just, i don’t know why i’m here,” he trailed off, head down only to shot up and looked at him closely again, brows furrowed. “Wait, what news?”

Yukhei bit his lips, grabbing Mark by his shoulder to take a look outside, in case there were dedicated and nosy reporters trailing behind the vocalist, once he made sure there weren’t any, he pulled Mark inside by holding his hand and then guide him to sit on the couch.

Yukhei didn’t say anything at first, just motioning for the later to take a closer look at the TV. The show was now analyzing their case, digging deeper into their relationship and making baseless assumptions on how they could be a couple, or they were truly hate each other since they first started the band.

“This is crazy,” Mark muttered.

Yukhei eyed him down, getting into his knees and quickly staring up at Mark with guilt in his eyes. “I’m sorry,” he begun. “If i wasn’t so stubborn and actually talk things through with you, they wouldn’t catch on us.”

Mark took a deep breath first, he wrapped his hands on Yukhei’s cheek, stroking them. “It’s not your fault, you don’t have to kneel like this, get up.”

Yukhei stare at his eyes first, found Mark smiling at him softly, and then sat beside him, the TV still on cooking up bullshits.

“I was worried about you,” Mark said again, and they stare at each other with Yukhei anxiously picking on his nails. “You just completely disappeared for a week, even Sicheng and your grandma didn’t know where you were. We have to made up lies so nana won’t be worried, until Sicheng called your father, who was in a five star cruise in the middle of pacific ocean, i might add, then we know you are here.” he paused to let out a small laugh.

“Yeah, about that,” Yukhei started. “I think my dad did scolded me afterwards.”

“You deserve it,” Mark said simply. “Anyway, i’m pretty sure it was most definitely my fault too.”

Yukhei shook his head. “I was hurt, yes. My heart was broken, yes. But it’s not your fault, what you said was never wrong. I’ve thought about it, and you are right, we can’t be selfish. Guess i reap what i sow now, huh.” He said, glancing at the TV.

Mark sighed. “I--” he said. “I'm gay.”

Yukhei raised a brow. Funny he said that after countless times having Yukhei under his control before. “You are gay.” He said slowly, saying it like a statement.

Mark sent him a small knowing smile. “That's actually why i ran out from home when i was 17,” he started. “I came out to them after they found me kissing a boy in my room. Dad blame mom that i turned out to be like that, mom blame dad that he dared to blame her when it was completely their fault i turned out the way that i am, and i blame them because they blame me,” Mark sighed again, the exhaustion is in his face. “Dad wouldn't talk to me for months, mom treated me like we never had a talk about the part where i like boys. They fight all the time, and one day, i just snapped, because i was too selfish. I already loathed myself then, and i have to bear the fact that they hate the way thay i am too. It was too much, dad slapped me because i yelled at them, mom cried when i stepped out of the front door, my brother...he was broken since, all because of how selfish i was wanting them to accept me.

My skin is covered with guilt and mistakes, Yukhei, i might wrote songs about making people happy and make no regrets in life, but that was some sort of solace where i couldn't live with the fact that i have caused so much trouble and misery to the people i love before. I don't want to make the wrong choice because of my selfishness anymore. If somebody got broken because of me again, i couldn't have bear it.”

Yukhei felt tense. He didn't know what to say, for the first time in his life, Wong Yukhei was dumbstruck by every words Mark left. He needed to take his time in order to bring the right words. But Mark just smile at him, and Yukhei knew he wasn’t asking for feedback, so he tried to just listened and understand his story instead.

“You are the one who bring me into Roxxless. You helped me so much to grow, it wasn’t just once, but every single time after that too, and i don’t want to ruined that. I don’t want to ruin us,” he said. “I was so scared the past week that i might have lose you too, but i can’t be selfish and ruined the band, it’s not just our life on the line. It would be fine if it’s just me, but it’s not.”

Yukhei stare at the space in front of him, and then hung his head, breathing deeply, trying to calm and not get carried away with anger. Once he knew which proper words to say, to discuss, he moved his head to face Mark.

“Do you know that i love you?” He muttered. Mark looked like he was taken aback, he was about to deny, Yukhei can see it. “Don’t,” he said, before Mark can speak again. “Don’t try to justify my feelings, i love you and that’s the truth. What made me angry that night wasn’t the fact that we can’t be together, but because you didn’t even considered my feelings, you didn’t even ask me anything and decided that we can’t work. Ever. That’s what hurt me the most.”

Yukhei stopped, Mark stopped. Even time slowed down. So Yukhei can be brave enough to cupped the vocalist’s face in his hands. The face that he missed a lot, that he made wishful promise even in his dreams and sweared to protect. “But Mark,” he started slowly, softly, caressing the skin in his grasp. “Once you let me go, once you decided to really don’t want to be with me, to not give us a try, i will comply. I’ll try to make things normal as it was before...this. But i will also try to erase you from my heart, i will find someone else to fill the place you left, i will kiss them, hug them, made love to them, just to pray they would be you. Do you want that? Will you look at me, right now, and tell me to stop loving you? Because  if it’s what you want, i would.”

Mark surprisingly had tears in his eyes by the time Yukhei finished. He didn’t say anything yet, but circling the taller in his embrace, burying his face in Yukhei’s shoulder. “No,” he whispered. “I don’t want that.”

Yukhei smile, supporting Mark’s weight that clinged on to him, patting his back and brushing his dry hair. “Good,” he said simply. “Because i really like you, even after all those nights you made me frustrated for how confusing you were treating me, i still want you.”

“Did i treated you that bad?”

Yukhei chuckled. “No, that was consensual. I let you do it to me.”

Mark let go of him. “I’m sorry, will you forgive me?”

“For friendzoning me? Sure.”

Mark slapped his arms, and Yukhei screamed just for the sake of it, the vocalist wasn’t even try to apologize, but laughing when Yukhei wailed dramatically and held the part where Mark hit him. “You are so fucking annoying! Stop wailing like a baby, i didn’t even hurt you that bad!”

Yukhei gave him a cheeky smile, he crawled to where Mark was sitting, held both his hands and pushed him down on the couch. “Are we good now? Can i be your boyfriend?”

Mark giggled. “Is that your idea of asking me out?”

Yukhei smile grew bigger. “No, this is.” He said, before he captured Mark lips in his, he can feel the later smile before he kissed him back.

Yukhei still had his hands locked with Mark’s, but their lips never parted, he deepened the kiss, even if the sofa was really too cramped to fit them both.

Yukhei let the taste of strawberry mint left on Mark’s mouth healed him. Erasing all the self control he held back for the past week, making him remember the way to Mark’s cold and warm lips felt. It seems like he wasn’t the only one feeling too much, as Mark broke free from his hold to pulled Yukhei by the hem of his white shirt, before he flicked his tongue along Yukhei’s lips again, opening his mouth under his, as Yukhei comply to his every wish, giggled because Mark always want to be in control whenever they kissed.

When they pulled apart, they were both laughing, trying to even their breath. Mark pressed both of their foreheads together as Yukhei closed his eyes, bending down with arms pressed down on the sofa. Their breath mingled, and Yukhei can’t wait before Mark pulled him down for another kiss again. But it never came, so he opened his eyes, looking at Mark who watched him with stars in his eyes.

Yukhei separated from the touch. “What?”

Mark smiled first. “You were bald when i first met you, but you are getting more handsome each time i see you again. I couldn’t help myself, i used to have a stupid crush on you, it was so annoying, you stalked me and managed to steal my heart too.”

Yukhei laughed, kissing his nose. “You have a crush on me and yet all you did was curse me out and painted my favorite t-shirts with dick shapes all the time, is that your idea of flirting?”

“That was self defense whenever you attacked me with feelings and i never knew you would like me back.”

“Aww, come here,” Yukhei said, held his chin up and kissed him again. When they parted, Yukhei moved to the space behind his ears, to his pierced earlobe, knowing very well it will drive Mark crazy as he trailed the sensitive skin down to his neck. “I love you now, you don’t have to compare me to any shapes of dick anymore.” He whispered against his ear.

Mark burst out laughing, but Yukhei just continue to map his skin down, tracing and kissing every pulse he can feel. Until Mark’s laugh settled down and his skin all tensed up again.

Yukhei was in the middle of pressing kisses on his shoulder where the LCS tattoo was inked when his phone screamed a really horrible chicken ringtone that startled both of them. Yukhei didn’t even care as he got rid of Mark’s jacket and continue, but Mark did, fishing out the phone inside his jeans pocket.

“It’s Kun.” Mark muttered, voice shaking.

And Yukhei shot up, looking down at Mark, and then his phone that displayed Kun’s name there. “Oh my god, i forgot.”

He snatched the phone from Mark, standing up and trying to regained his normal state again, breath heavy like he ran a marathon. “Ge?”

“Thank god you answered, i can’t reached Mark.” Kun said, worry in his voice.

“Mark’s here with me.”

“He is? You two aren’t really fighting, right? It’s chaos here in the company, we try to redeem the media but the publicist need your words before releasing statements. I need you two back here.”

Yukhei hesitated for a while, looking down at Mark who just gave him a faint smile, muttering; _it’s okay. I’ll follow you_. It’s a confirmation he needed before he spoke again. “We’re not fighting anymore, but i think it’s another _thing_ that you should actually considered.”

Kun was silent, and for a second, Yukhei thought he just killed their entire career, they might have to start another band, another company, but he can hear the manager sighing instead. “Just get here first, i’ll call Sicheng and Xiao Jun so we can have a meeting. Once you get here, call me again so we can pick you up, there’s tons of media lining outside, get in the back door.”

Once he lowered his phone back to his pocket, he looked back and stare at Mark, his sleeveless shirt was hanging loosely on his body and it’s a great distraction when they didn’t really have much time now.

“You know why i like you?” He said, making Mark looked up to him, confusion in his eyes.

“I’m handsome? I’m amazing? I don’t know, my voice?”

Yukhei chuckled, brushing softly at his cheek with one hand. “Yes to everything, and more. But there is one that really amazed me,” he said, and Mark just simply glare at him with curiosity in his eyes. “It’s the way you handle things, you might think it’s reckless, but i think it’s brave. You were never afraid on taking chances, and maybe it’s because how you perceived life, your ideal world. But it’s admirable to me that you are both reckless and careful now, you owned up to your mistakes. I know you can make it, _we_ can make it. You once said you shared your music, not your relationship, right? I believe in you, Mark, so believe in us.”

Mark sent him a smile that went straight to Yukhei’s heart, he overlaps his hand on top of his, looking up, and Yukhei felt it without even the vocalist’s need to uttered a single word.

_Thank you. I love you._

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

 

“You guys are together and for how long?” Asked Xiao Jun.

Mark looked a little tired, but he answered anyway. “Just today.”

“Wow, i’m not judging, but this is, just, wow.”

Yukhei’s hands were shaking on top of his lap, he was sitting across from everyone, Mark beside him answering all of the questions directed about them. He might not think about this through; about the prejudice, about the attention on how he is different, about coming out for the first time.

He never really had the need to labeled his preferences, but he always knew he wasn’t really attracted to just women. He did love all the partner he was ever been with, but he also felt attracted to a handsome man, or an admirable strangers he passed on the street, or fell in love with Scarlett Johansson and at the same time having a crush on Chris Evans while watching The Avengers.

But he never knew how much pressure someone has to go through just by being themselves. It’s too much, as he felt every pair of eyes, even Kun and the publicist on him. Or his best friend from childhood looking at him like he was the strange one.

“Hey,” he heard Mark whispered to him as a pair of gentle hands calming and holding his shaking hands so they can stop. “Are you okay?”

Yukhei looked at him, and it was calming seeing Mark gentle smile directed at him. It’s all the strength he needed for him to nodded and took a deep, encouraging breath.

“It’s the truth, and we just ask a very simple favor; for you guys to believe we are the same person as we always been. Nothing change, i would still sing, Yukhei will still play his guitar, and the band is still the same.” Mark said again, but this time, he held Yukhei’s hand in his.

There was silence and Yukhei couldn’t even lifted his head up.

Someone cleared his throat, and it was most definitely Sicheng.

“Of course nothing will change. If it’s just the fact that you guys fell for each other and not having amnesia so you forget how to rock, then everything is fine, right? You guys aren’t even fighting like what the media reported, it’s nothing serious. Just live the usual, we have performance in a week.” Sicheng said.

When Yukhei dared to look at him, he was smiling.

“Yeah, maybe after this Mark will write more love songs,” Xiao Jun added. “And i could tease them about it.” He said again in a small voice, but of course everybody heard.

“From what i see, it’s better to just confirmed the fact that you guys are on a good terms, and not having any disagreement. That night, Wong just felt tired from the performance and headed quickly to his mother house, not wanting to be too late, while Mark went home with his manager. Is that correct?”

Both Mark and Yukhei nodded.

“About your relationship,” the Publicist started carefully, looking up from his paper. “There weren’t any points about romantic affairs on your contract, but that’s not my concern. Looking at your career, you guys will release another album sometimes next year, and possible US release with a new foreign label too, on top of that, the band hasn’t been truly established to handle this much of a bigger issue, and if you aren’t going to be subtle about things, then i predict the public eyes won’t be good for the band. It’s better to keep everything a secret for now, don’t show your romance in public. Everything said today in this room better be kept amongst us, i’ll only let the upper party knew about this.”

Yukhei sighed, he looked at Mark that shoot a smile at him. It’s their chosen way, maybe it’s how things supposed to be for now. 

“Okay.” Yukhei said, the first word he let out after getting inside the room.

Mark held his hand tighter.

_You still want to do this?_

It’s unspoken.

Yukhei nodded.

 _Yes_.

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

 

“Babe, where’s my towel? Can you get it?”

Yukhei’s eyes were closed, bubbles from the shampoo he was using were covering his eyes as he blindly puts out his hand to accepted the towel he asked Mark to get. He was naked in every kinds of form.

“Am i your fucking maid or something? I told you many times i’m not here to get your dirty towel every time you went showering.” Mark grumbled, but Yukhei felt the towel was already in his hand. He smile, opening one of his eyes to locate and pulling the vocalist by his wrist so he can planted a wet, bubbly kiss on his cheek. “You fucking jackass! I just showered and you--!”

“I swear i feel like i’m living with a married couple and their three noisy kids in this building.” Yukhei heard Xiao Jun muttered while Mark was pushing him back inside when he kept trying to kissed him. “Maybe i should just be the one who got married instead.”

“Nope, i need to be the one who got married first. I’m the oldest here, you infants.” Yukhei can also heard Sicheng. He was probably in his pajamas making coffee and feeding his bird pet.

“Mark and i are gonna marry tomorrow and you can suck our asses!” Yukhei shouted.

“Ew.” Xiao Jun muttered, he heard his faint steps walking away.

“Yukhei, i swear to god!”

Yukhei giggled when he successfully pulled Mark back in the shower with him. Laughing when Mark is now wet and neither of them care about the train of protests Sicheng, Xiao Jun or Sicheng mandarin speaking parrot made about their ‘loving’ antics.

 

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

 

Yukhei was worried towards the rest of the performance. Mark wasn't feeling well today, he caught a cold but he still needed to perform for Roxxless two days concert in Japan. They have begun their Asian Tour recently, starting in Hong Kong and the last stop is in the next two month in Singapore.

It might got something to do with how he pulled Mark for another late night bath after rehearsal yesterday, even though Mark insisted that it wasn't, just so he would not made Yukhei blame himself.

“He's in the members room, we'll give you some space and fifteen minutes break, Sicheng and Xiao Jun will do something with the crowds.” Kun said when Yukhei came down from the stage after performing his guitar solo. Sweat drenched down his body and he felt like he wanted to throw the shirt out of the window for sticking like a second skin.

So he did just that, minus throwing it out of the window of course (there's no window here), and also pulling out his in ear for awhile before entering the room where Mark was in, searching for another t-shirt in the row of clothes hanged in the corner of the room.

“Mark?” He called out to the almost empty space, putting on a sleeveless black t-shirt filled with x's in it.

“I'm okay, I'm okay,” Mark said, getting out of the bathroom door. “They gave me medicine and oxygen, I'm okay.” He said while swatting his hands to Yukhei.

Yukhei’s heart torn seeing his boyfriend pale face even with eyeliner and his stage outfit, a green hair and brand new t-shirt.

Yukhei pout, opening his arms wide. “I'll hug you but I'm sweating, do you still want a hug?”

Mark gave him a faint smile, walking slowly inside Yukhei’s arms who quickly wrapped him up in an embrace. “I feel so sick,” he muttered. Yukhei felt his fever, his whole body is burning.

Yukhei placed his chin on top of Mark’s head, stroking his back in a slow motion. “Do you want to call off the show? Can you sing?”

Mark shook his head. “No, people came to see us, let's just go for it, i can still sing.”

Yukhei nodded. He lifted Mark off the floor, swept him up and bring him to the nearest sofa to let him rest on his chest, caging him tightly. “I'll cuddle you for ten minutes before we get up on stage again, don't worry about anything, alright? You can feel better tomorrow and gave them the best show ever. For now, I'll distract them with my hiphop dance, you know i used to be in a hiphop dance group, right?”

Mark let out an exhausted laugh. “I'll kiss you if I'm not this sick.”

Yukhei chuckled, dropping a chaste kiss on top his head, before he grabbed the vocalist’s chin up so they could stare at each other's eyes. Yukhei didn't think twice before stealing several kiss from his lips, the taste of his lips is still sweet, even if it's burned with fever.

“I love you, baby. Feel better.” He murmured against Mark's lips, and finally let him rest even for a really short time.

He heard Mark chuckled before he intertwined their fingers together. “Maybe you should sing and dance to that song by Frankie Valli and do it in Heath Ledger style from that movie where the girl hated him.”

Yukhei kissed the back of his hand. “Yeah, i’ll do it.”

When they get back on stage, the crowd cheer for them. Mark sang two songs, which was one of their most difficult ones since it’s a full rock songs with screamo in it, he missed a few beats, his high notes weren’t as powerful like usual, and even forgot a few lyrics. It was the worst he’s ever been in a show, Yukhei was sure Mark gonna hate it once he got off the stage. But the crowd still sang along with him, even helping in finishing the lyrics that got Mark laughing.

  
Yukhei really danced to Can't Take My Eyes Off Of You by Frankie Valli from Xiao Jun's speaker phone, that got at least everyone laughing, even Mark was rolling on the floor. The show ended with a promise to the crowd to give them another amazing performance tomorrow.

Yukhei heart felt whole that night.

And he has a little lion to take care for the whole night so he can fulfilled their promise to the fans by tomorrow.

 

 

 

✪✪✪

 

 

 

They are stopping in Singapore now. The six months of full on touring almost half of the world, from the USA, Europe, and now Asia, Yukhei didn't even recognize the different between the time and spaces now. They moved around too much, from planes to busses, to hours of car rides and different weathers, it had felt so confusing.

It was the cold and damp days of December in Singapore, Roxxless had mini session with other producers to write songs for their fourth album earlier. It had been two whole years since their last album, and Mark had begun to produce more songs even with the whole tour going on.

They might try something different with their musics now, since they wanted to show their versatile side to the fans and the world, to prove themselves that they are more than capable to withstand the change in everything as a solid and strong band, exactly like what they imagined the concept years when they started.

The relationship between him and Mark had become stronger. They had came out to their close friends and family for two years now. For it was a little natural for Mark since he had kind of done it for years now, especially to his family, it was a little challenging on Yukhei’s side.

His grandmother was the one who was a little shocked, she was just a traditional lady who believed that only men and women shall be together, while both of his parents understand the change in the world and slowly but surely accepting Yukhei's identity and his love for somebody.

It hadn’t been easy, especially with how cold and different his lovely grandmother began to treated him. She even tried to made Yukhei met with the granddaughter of her close friends once, which he had politely refused.

Mark had been with him for the whole ride. He fixed his broken pieces, putting him back into the right places. He embraced Yukhei when he had a mental breakdown after his grandma shut him off of her house, he held his hands when Yukhei talked to his parents for the first time, he kissed Yukhei’s lips and sealed it with a promise at night when his anxiety eat him up to the fullest.

He accepted him for how much broken and torn Wong Yukhei was.

Yukhei whispered i love you in his ear every night when they were together, Mark laughed and rolled on the floor when Yukhei made embarrassing and annoying jokes all morning, they both disgustingly made out everytime Xiao Jun and Sicheng spotted them just to annoyed them and Sicheng parrot.

And now, on their last day of touring before the promised holiday the company gave them, before they began to release another album, Mark was behind a grand black piano, singing All Mine, an old track from their second album that he wrote about three years ago. It was a song that Xiao Jun accused Mark that he fell in love with someone and made a huge fuss of.

It was Mark solo stage of the night, so Yukhei was watching from the side. Usually they decided different songs for every concerts, and this time, Mark said he will perform the slow song instead, track that never been played before on this tour, since it’s their last day so it is a little bit special.

Yukhei was listening carefully, hands folded in his chest as his smile grew bigger listening to his boyfriend’s voice. He always admired Mark’s voice, his voice is more versatile now, since he learnt different vocal technique along his career as musician. It could be husky, it could go low, and it could reach the highest notes, he even mastered screamo too, especially for the songs in the third album. He was a great musician, a natural born artist.

 

_All my worries they just sleep in late, lying next to you_

_But I fall to pieces and crumble away_

_Today nothing works_

 

_I’m so down and out_

_’cause something is wrong without you_

_When you’re not around_

_Just shadows and rainfall_

_Wait till tomorrow_

_Can’t wait_

 

And Yukhei is falling. Mark had made several songs dedicated to him, and every single one was so beautiful that he always cried listening to them. But tonight, as he watched Mark behind the piano, singing with his heart out, Yukhei felt like he could cry all over again.

 

_Just wanna be with you_

_Only you_

_Always you_

_You’re so beautiful to_

_me It’s true_

_Amazed by you_

_I think I’m falling_

 

_Falling with you_

_Only you_

_Always you_

_You’re so beautiful to_

_me It’s true_

_Amazed by you_

_I know I’m falling_

 

When the song ended, Yukhei clapped along with the crowds, he saw a few fans eyes in the front row filled with tears, and realizing that he is, too, had his own building up in his eyes.

Sicheng and Xiao Jun draped a hand over his shoulder, Sicheng muttered _what a cry baby_ to him while Xiao Jun mocked him by making ugly crying faces. They started to get ready for the next song in the setlist now.

“Now before we start on another song to rock the night,” Mark said over the mic. Yukhei, Sicheng and Xiao Jun stopped going over to the main stage to join the vocalist, looking at each other in confusion because they didn’t rehearse this before. “I have something to say, just a little, will you guys allow me?” Mark asked the fans in perfect english.

When the crowd cheer for a yes, Mark laughed a little. “Ah, i felt sorry for the members because this is like stealing the mc talk, right?” he joked. “But i have something important about the song i just sang, the title is All Mine, and i made this song about three years ago, i think? But there’s a story behind this song, everyone,” he stopped again, laughing at everyone cheer. “I wrote this song when my brother passed away. At that time, i was having a really hard time, i didn’t feel like i’m living, and my life was filled with guilt all over. I guess you guys had read that my brother died because of suicide, right? I had blame myself all over, because i love him so much and he was taken away from me before i could even apologize to him. So i made this song thinking about him. But,

There’s someone else behind this song too, and if you listen to the song already, you would know that i fell in love with him. Like really, seriously, madly, in love. He was a great person that pulled me out of the darkness and stayed beside me through all the hell i’ve been through after. He pushed me to be better, for i’m also grateful to my parents for loving me, i also felt grateful towards this person that because of him, i’m able to stood in front of you guys tonight. I hope you guys can find someone like that too, falling in love is a real gift, it’s a treasure behind life, so treasure them! Hope you guys enjoy the rest of the performance, sorry for the long speech!”

The crowd were silent, before they broke in a havoc finally piecing back together what Mark just blutered out.

Xiao Jun chuckled. “Ah, geez, he is so embarrassing, now we would be labeled as a love band. Didn’t he beat Yang Yang up the first time we tried to pick the name for the band? What was that? Lovexic? He hated it so much.”

“Mark has changed because of love.” Sicheng muttered, giving Yukhei a knowing smile.

Yukhei himself was just so touched he felt like he could cry there, running to the stage and swept his boyfriend in his arms to just kiss him breathless.

Yukhei held onto his guitar, the show must go on. The loving parts will be put on hold until they are safely moved to the comfortable night together.

When he entered the stage, Mark was already behind his mic, stealing glances at him and smile, mouthing _i love you_ to Yukhei direction.

Yukhei laughed, the fans probably got this all on tape to spread by it tomorrow.

But he didn’t care;

Yukhei moved closer to kissed Mark’s temple, bending down to his ear so they could be the only one to hear in the crowded, loud space.

“I love you, too.”

 

 

 

✪✪✪

  
 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> -this happened because mark sang one line from Heartache in nct life once owo
> 
> -based and inspired by one ok rock band dynamics, i love them u.u
> 
> -a form of prayer for nctxoneokrock content
> 
> -if i forgot to tag something, esp the things that triggered u, please lmk!
> 
> [this is the song Mark made for his brother and yukhei, just u know, imagine, but it's originally made by Taka from One ok rock^^](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YPgdVxIRZFw)
> 
> Thank you for reading, hope u enjoyed this, comments and kudos are highly appreciated! /bows/
> 
> twt: twopastone


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